Help me write a condolence message that feels personal, respectful, and unforced. Use only the details I provide. Do not invent a memory, a belief about death, a quote, or a claim about what the recipient feels. Details - Recipient and our relationship: [RECIPIENT AND RELATIONSHIP] - Person who died or the loss: [LOSS DETAILS] - A true memory, quality, or connection to mention: [PERSONAL DETAIL]
- Tone, length, and channel: [TONE AND FORMAT] - Specific support I can genuinely offer: [OFFER OF SUPPORT] Write one ready-to-send message in [TONE AND FORMAT]. It should include an acknowledgment of the loss, the person’s name where appropriate, one concrete truthful personal detail, and a low-pressure offer. Keep the focus on the recipient and the person they lost, not on my own grief. Use simple language. Avoid euphemisms unless the recipient’s context calls for them, religious language unless I specify it, advice, explanations of why this happened, silver linings, “at least,” and statements that require a reply. After the message, provide two optional alternatives: one shorter version and one version that does not include the personal detail, in case the message needs to be more formal. Do not include a subject line unless the channel is email. Ask up to 3 clarifying questions only if a required input is missing. Before answering, check that every personal statement is supported by my details and that the offer is specific without creating pressure or a commitment I did not authorize.
Fill in
| Placeholder | What to enter | Example |
|---|---|---|
| [RECIPIENT AND RELATIONSHIP] | State who will receive the message and how you know them. | Maya, a former coworker whose father died; we worked together for four years |
| [LOSS DETAILS] | Provide the name of the person who died or a respectful description of the loss. | Her father, Daniel Ortiz, died last week after a short illness |
| [PERSONAL DETAIL] | Share one true memory, quality, or connection you are comfortable mentioning. | Maya often talked about how Daniel taught her to repair bicycles and came to her first marathon |
| [TONE AND FORMAT] | Specify the desired tone, approximate length, and channel such as text, card, or email. | Warm but not intimate text message, 70–90 words |
| [OFFER OF SUPPORT] | Describe practical help you can honestly provide, or say that you do not want to make an offer. | I can bring dinner next Tuesday or handle a grocery delivery if she tells me what would help |
How to use
- Give only details that are true and appropriate to share, especially if the message may be read by family members.
- Paste the result into the actual channel and remove any sentence that sounds unlike your normal voice.
- Confirm that the offer names help you can provide and does not ask the grieving person to organize you.
- If you need a revision, send: “Make this 45 words, keep Daniel’s name, and replace the offer with a simple note that I am thinking of Maya.”
Variations
Work condolence
Use this for a colleague when you need warm but professional wording.
Write a professional condolence email to [RECIPIENT], whose [RELATIONSHIP TO DECEASED] [NAME] has died. I am their [WORK RELATIONSHIP]. Use this truthful detail if appropriate: [DETAIL]. Keep it to [LENGTH] and use a respectful, restrained tone. Include a practical work offer limited to [WORK SUPPORT], such as covering a meeting or extending a deadline. Do not invent familiarity, use religious language, request a reply, or mention workplace logistics before the condolence. Ask up to 3 questions only if essential details are missing. Check that the message is personal without oversharing.
Group card note
Use this when several people are signing one card or shared message.
Write a [LENGTH] condolence note from [GROUP] to [RECIPIENT] after the death of [NAME OR DESCRIPTION]. Our shared connection is [CONNECTION], and the only personal detail we can verify is [DETAIL]. Use collective language naturally, acknowledge the loss directly, and close with a gentle expression of support. Do not speak for individuals’ feelings, invent memories, make theological claims, or ask the recipient to respond. Ask up to 3 clarifying questions only if required inputs are missing. Check that every claim can be truthfully signed by the group.
Loss anniversary
Use this when reaching out on a difficult date after an earlier loss.
Write a brief message to [RECIPIENT] on the [ANNIVERSARY OR DATE] of [PERSON’S NAME]’s death. Our relationship is [RELATIONSHIP], and I can truthfully mention [MEMORY OR QUALITY]. The message will be sent as [CHANNEL] and should be [TONE]. Acknowledge that the date may be difficult without assuming exactly how they feel. Do not offer explanations, use clichés, or make a request. Ask up to 3 questions only if needed. Check that the message is under [WORD LIMIT] words and contains no invented detail.
Tips
- Name the person who died if you know the name and believe the recipient would welcome it; careful acknowledgment is often kinder than avoiding the subject.
- Offer one concrete action, such as bringing a meal on a particular day, rather than “let me know if you need anything.”
- Do not make the message carry a large story about your own experience with loss; one sentence of connection is enough if it serves the recipient.
- Send the message promptly, then consider a second short check-in after the first wave of messages has faded.
FAQ
Is it acceptable to use AI for a condolence message?
Yes, if it helps you write something truthful and you read it carefully before sending. Personal facts and your own voice matter more than polished wording.
What should I avoid saying?
Avoid explanations, silver linings, predictions about healing, and requests for a response. Phrases such as “at least” can minimize the loss.
Should I mention practical help?
Yes, when you can name help you can actually provide. Keep the offer easy to decline and do not expect the recipient to coordinate it.