Help me edit a message for my partner. Preserve the facts, my actual feelings, and the boundary or request I mean to make; do not turn this into therapy language or make either person the villain. My rough message: [ROUGH MESSAGE] What happened and any facts that must stay accurate: [CONTEXT] My goal after they read it: [GOAL] Tone to aim for: [TONE] What I am and am not willing to agree to: [BOUNDARY OR REQUEST] First, identify privately which parts of my draft are observations, interpretations, feelings, accusations, and requests. Then write three versions: (1) a direct text message of 80-130 words, (2) a warmer version of the same message, and (3) a short opening I can say in person. Each version must name the specific issue, use first-person language for my experience, make one actionable request, and avoid absolutes such as “always” or “never” unless they are literally true. Do not erase accountability, soften a safety concern, imply consent, or promise forgiveness, change, or a compromise I did not state. If the message concerns threats, coercion, violence, stalking, or fear for my safety, say so plainly and recommend immediate support from a trusted person or local emergency/domestic-violence resource rather than helping me negotiate it. Before answering, check that every factual claim comes from my inputs and that the revised wording does not add blame, diagnoses, motives, or commitments. Ask up to 3 clarifying questions only if a required input is missing.
Fill in
| Placeholder | What to enter | Example |
|---|---|---|
| [ROUGH MESSAGE] | Paste the unedited message you want to send or say. | You ignored me again at dinner and then acted like I was overreacting. I cannot keep doing this. |
| [CONTEXT] | List the relevant events and facts that must remain accurate. | At Maya's birthday dinner, Alex checked work messages for about 25 minutes and said “not now” when I asked to talk. |
| [GOAL] | State the outcome you want, such as a conversation, apology, plan, or boundary. | Agree on a phone-free rule during dinners we plan together. |
| [TONE] | Name the tone you want, such as calm, firm, affectionate, or brief. | Calm and firm, not cold. |
| [BOUNDARY OR REQUEST] | Describe the specific change, limit, or next step you want. | I want us to put phones away for planned dinners except for urgent family calls. |
How to use
- Paste your unedited draft and give only the context needed to keep facts straight.
- Choose the version that sounds most like you, then check that its request is specific enough to act on.
- Remove any sentence that claims to know your partner’s motive unless they told you directly.
- Follow up with: “Make this 30% shorter and keep the boundary exactly as written.”
Variations
Repair after conflict
Use after an argument when you want to reconnect without pretending the issue did not matter.
Write a repair message to my partner based only on these details: [WHAT I DID], [IMPACT I RECOGNIZE], [WHAT I REGRET], and [NEXT STEP]. Keep it 90-120 words. Take responsibility for my conduct without accepting blame for facts I did not cause. Include one specific apology, one concrete change I will make, and an invitation to talk that does not demand an immediate response. Do not use “if you felt hurt,” diagnose them, or promise permanent change. Check that every admission is supported by my notes.
Boundary text
Use when you need to state a limit clearly and do not want the message to become a debate.
Turn my boundary into a short message for my partner. Situation: [SITUATION]. Boundary: [BOUNDARY]. What I will do if it continues: [ACTION I CONTROL]. Desired tone: [TONE]. Write 60-90 words with a factual opening, one clear limit, and one consequence I can actually carry out. Do not threaten, punish, label their behavior, or claim legal or clinical authority. Check that the consequence describes my own action rather than controlling theirs.
Conversation agenda
Use before a difficult in-person talk that needs structure rather than a long text.
Create a 15-minute conversation outline for my partner and me about [TOPIC]. My key facts are [FACTS], my need is [NEED], and the decision we need is [DECISION]. Give me a four-part opening, three neutral questions to understand their view, and a closing that records a next step. Keep each spoken line under 30 words. Do not invent their perspective. Check that the outline separates facts from interpretations and includes a realistic pause if emotions rise.
Tips
- Edit the message after a cooling-off period; the first draft often contains accurate hurt but an unhelpful accusation about motive.
- Make requests observable: “phones away during planned dinners” is easier to discuss than “prioritize me more.”
- A boundary works only when it states an action you control, such as leaving a conversation that becomes insulting.
- Do not use an edited message to handle abuse or immediate danger; contact a trusted person or local support resource instead.
FAQ
Will this make my message sound artificial?
It gives you several versions so you can keep your natural voice. Replace phrases you would never say before sending it.
Should I include every past example?
Usually no. Lead with the current issue and include only examples needed to make the pattern or request understandable.
Can AI decide who is right in our conflict?
No. It can improve wording and structure, but it has only the facts you provide and cannot judge the relationship fairly.